Ten Things Every Husband Needs from His Wife by Erin Smalley is an excellent book. The layout was perfect. She would share the prayer for the wife, prayer for the wife to pray over her husband and a challenge for the wife. Some chapters would have questions for reflection. I read this copy digitally but I am confident that I’m going to go out and buy a paper copy so that I can save the prayers and make notations in the book.
I share my thoughts on some of her ‘things’ husbands need.
- A Healthy Wife – She starts by sharing that to be a good wife we have to take care of ourselves. Our husband wants us to be happy and healthy and if we are not taking care of ourselves, we can’t take care of others.
- Your Affirmation – Wives assume their husbands are getting the same kind of affirmation from their guy friends that we get from our girlfriends and she said this is not true. The primary source of validation for husbands is their wives. When we fill that void it’s amazing the positive influence we can have on our husbands in on our marriage. The affirmation chapter was very good for me. It talked about how a man’s search for validation is one of the deepest searches in his life. She talked about how affirmation is different than gratitude. Affirmation has two components. It is stating a fact or truth strongly and publicly and the second part is offering emotional support and encouragement. We can do this by calling out his gifts, talents and character qualities that he may not realize about himself. She does a great job of challenging us to take specific action. In this chapter we were to write down three things that we appreciate about our husbands.
- Value His Differences – I found it funny when she said he is not lying when he answers that he is not thinking about anything. She found scientific proof that it is true. It is how they are able to compartmentalize. How many times have we asked them what they are thinking and they say nothing.
- Respect for his Leadership Role – She great gave some great examples of how to love and encourage our husbands in the role of leadership. Speaking well of our husband. Don’t talk to them in a harsh or critical manner. Give him an opportunity to be physically strong. Take interest in what he’s passionate about and a huge one is remember that he does not multitask; he focuses on one thing at a time.
- Your influence – She shared some very good examples of women in the Bible with both a positive influence and a negative influence on their husbands in the Bible. Then she shared some women in history that had significant influence on their husbands.
I truly believe that there is a spiritual warfare going on to destroy marriages. So I wholeheartedly agree with her when she tells us that we need to fight for marriages and be intentional with what we do. She also mentioned surrounding ourselves with wise women. I am a strong believer in that the people we associate with have a huge impact on our life and our decisions and what we feel is normal and acceptable.
I highly highly recommend this book if you think you have a great marriage, even in your marriage is not in trouble or if your marriage is on the brink of divorce. The book is set up in an excellent format she gives great examples and information. This is truly an actionable book that I feel confident we will all see changes if we will implement some of her suggestions.
I didn’t realize the author was married to Greg Smalley until I was over halfway through the book.
Erin Smalley earned a bachelor degree in nursing at Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, Arizona. She worked as a labor and delivery nurse for 8 years prior to going back to school for a masters degree in clinical psychology at Evangel University in Springfield, MO.
Erin enjoys speaking at women’s conferences, encouraging women to live in Christ’s freedom. She is especially passionate about motivating women to invest in healthy friendships and relationships. She has enjoyed working with her husband, Dr. Greg Smalley, doing marriage intensives and speaking at marriage enrichment seminars for years. Together the Smalley’s encourage couples toward developing a deeply satisfying marriage.